TNF

Had the chance to go out and race TNF 50 mile in San Francisco.  Yeah I probably should have ended my season after Wasatch since it's been over a year since I've had an off season, but still healthy, unsure of what next year will hold for me, and wanting a bit of mental/emotional redemption after Wasatch, I decided to put in a couple more months of training in after a month off (which was super difficult for this race with school this semester and my family of course) and head out.  Thankfully we got to bring the kids too and stay in a fabulous Altra team house with our great Altra teammates out there to race as well.

My goals were somewhat casual. I wanted to have a good time.  Different than run a good time.  First and foremost I wanted to enjoy myself and what was around me and come away from this race and season happy. My motto was "Fun and focus, focus and fun". Now of course I wanted to run well and thought top 10 would be amazing in a crazy deep field like this was set out to be.  Top 20 for sure.  Figured it would take about an 8:30 to come in 10th based on previous years.  Great coach and friend Nick Clark gave me several pieces of advice including staying out of the top 10 in the first 20 miles and not asking for my position till 30 miles.  Basically to come into Stinson at 27 feeling good and not destroyed, and then to push hard and pick up any carnage.  He told me they would come and I held fast to that and all of his advice.  I got several other great motivating thoughts to add to the pot from great friends and I'm really grateful!

So I am in my 3rd of 4 nursing school semesters.  Had a hospital clinical the Thursday before the race that I could not (and would not want to) miss.  So my husband and kids made the 12 hour trek out west in the van and I got to fly out late that night after clinical.  You know, it was only flying to Oakland from SLC, not some exotic international race, but I looked down at one point on the dark flight at my scrub pants and Altra shoes, wearing my Wasatch shirt on top, and was so grateful and happy and honored to be able to fly to a race.

Friday we spent the day scouting for photo spots with our Altra photographer Tyson and my little fam enjoyed a great afternoon at Stinson beach and in the wonderful Muirwoods.  I also spent time stressing over and trying to figure out how I was going to deal with a significant sore/post blister on top of my foot.  I have never blistered in Altra's in our 5 years of having shoes, never.  But trying a prototype sample 2 weeks before the race, I somehow got one.  And it wasn't healing.  I spent the 10 days before the race out of shoes and either barefoot on an elliptical or in flip flops giving it every chance to heal possible.  Well come night before the race and it's still not healed, all the shoes I brought out rub it painfully to some extent, and I was scared.  I got lots of good advice from my Wasatch Mountain Wrangler family and teammate Josh Arthur though, and made a plan I would stick with (non adhesive dressing cut to size covered with leukotape) and would hope and pray.  I packed extra supplies for my foot in my pack and drop bags.

Typical race morning, so lets get to the actual race eh?  Used the bathrooms, ran around in the dark trying to find my husband who had my pack and headlamp, put on my pack, and lined up with like 1 minute to go.  How I roll.  Then I realized I didn't have my headlamp.  Freaking out because I couldn't find him and couldn't do that 2 hours without a headlamp, I asked friend and teammate Meghan Arbogast's crew for her's.  Oops.  So glad to have it though!  Off we went and Meghan and I enjoyed some miles together.  I wanted to stay with her, this queen of ultrarunning who obviously knew more about all of this than I, but at some point she got ahead of me.  I kept my cool and hoped I'd see her again, which I did near the top of a big hill and we ran together again through Tennessee Valley aid and up some of the next climb.  An honor to run her.  

When we got to the top of a big climb between Tennessee and Muir, I saw the best most colorful sunrise over the ocean and looked down to see and hear big waves crashing into the rocks.  So great!  Meghan was having GI issues and I hoped they'd be ok for her, but in all that talk, I think it got to my head and guess who had to stop now?  Guess which section now had no where to pull off and hide behind?  This one.  Almost at the end of my rope and out of options besides indecently flashing everyone, we came to a switchback where I could continue forward past line of sight to do my business, and even happened to squat perfectly over a small log I could rest my weight on.  I smiled, did what I needed to do, and happily continued on.  Saw Megan shortly behind me and wondered if we'd be together again.  We went up a big hill/mountain covered with more switchbacks than I had ever seen in one go.  And it was great, totally runable, loved it!

Leaving Cardiac we got our first taste of the woods and it was so nice!  Wide soft pine needle covered trail with big green trees and moss.  Eventually getting to the long out and back section it was fun to see the tail end of the leading men and all of the leading women ahead of me.  Trail was very tight in places so there was a lot of running up on the hillside for a couple steps hoping not to roll anything or knock anyone down.  Felt good to get on the road at the top eventually and run that strong.  Beautiful views up there both east and west toward Stinson beach far below with great fog clouds rolling over.  Enjoyed a good pace and conversation with a local gal and some beautiful green rain foresty stuff on the way down to the beach.

A little idea of the foresty sections by friend Katie Despliter

 Was excited to get to Stinson and could feel the energy approaching it.  Was looking forward to seeing my family but wasn't going to be upset if they weren't there.  I was ahead of schedule as I'd been all day (yay!) and it's a lot of work and driving for him and our 4 kids.  They weren't there, but my motivation to get to push now was.  The second I left mile 27 the fire was lit.  I never took it easy, had a positive mind that I could push for that long, felt good and was going to continue taking care of myself.  Hadn't taken any caffeine or pills besides electrolytes and was happy about that.  Music wasn't even on yet.  I felt like I still had lifelines to turn to and was half way done with the race now.

Heading up the big climb with lots of stairs toward Cardiac again I saw friend Caroline coming down toward me and that wasn't good.  Poor lady had fallen hard and busted 2 teeth!  Wished her well and continued on, seeing what I thought was my husband green coat at the top of a climb.  Soon after I turned a switchback and saw my 9 year old boy with cowbells in hand.  Was so good to see him!  He put them around my neck as instructed by his sisters so they would hear me coming.  He ran up a minute or two with me which was really neat and said huffing and puffing "How do you do this Mom??" :)  Ran into the rest of the clan and enjoyed a quick moment with hugs and kisses and ran off down a hill now with my 7 year old for another minute or two.  Such a nice lift to see them!

Still working hard, feeling good, keeping up on nutrition and hydration, enjoying music now, and I come up on top of the ridge before Cardiac and had the most emotional moment.  It reminded me exactly of the ridge above the Grunt at Wasatch where I puked and pulled out of my great darkness and ran hard for 12 miles.  Now though, I wasn't in a pit, I was feeling good, and I was going to push that long and longer till I was done.  The view of the ocean all around me was so great and it was just a really neat moment.  I was going to work to correct my mistakes from Wasatch and take this race as the opportunity to do that, even just for me and my psyche. 

Through Cardiac quickly with the help of teammate Sondre who unfortunately dropped there and onto what was for sure the funnest part of my day.  It was green and soft and amazingly gorgeous in the Muirwood forest and there was a lot of downhill.  I literally flew down it better than usual for me, feeling like a kid.  Felt like this went on for hours and I loved every second of it!  A guy I passed wanted to stay with me and that was fine, good motivation to keep the feet moving quickly and nice to feel like I was helping someone else.  Gosh that section was fun.

This photo I found on http://www.savetheredwoods.org/park/muir-woods-national-monument/ by Paolo Vescia            seemed appropriate for how I felt on that section - running free fast and happy like a child

Nearing Muir beach aid station I was feeling a tiny bit of fatigue, probably from diving through the downhill forest like I did, but enjoyed petting a few dogs along the way (yep, totally do it, we're there to have fun and 10 seconds to stop and pet a dog is not going to hurt anything) and pushing up the very long hills from here.  I was having to work to to do it of course, but was so happy to be running up things I wouldn't normally.  I wasn't too chatty now, but wasn't grumpy, just focused.  Kept that focus through Tennessee where I saw my husband and boy one more time and hurried out.  Wasn't doing any math on when I'd come in, but was relying on Nick's words that I would pass people by the end.  I knew I was going to have to work to do that.  More than that though, I wanted to say to myself that I had pushed and worked the whole time, that I didn't physically or mentally give up and 'just finish' as I have done in other races this year, a lot actually.  I wasn't going to be top 10 today and frankly I wasn't sure top 20 would even happen as I just was not seeing any women in front of me.  But I wanted to finish strong for me.

 Breathing hard, running hard, keeping positive thoughts in my head and remembering the errors of races this year and running to correct those, to redeem my mind from this year, I pushed.  I still tried to keep a smile on my face when I could, as I had all day.  Ive heard a smile can make a really big difference psychologically and physiologically and I was going to experiment on that.  Couldn't hurt right?!  Finally finally done with the last climb, man there were a lot, it was time to blast down the last 4 miles at as fast as I could go.  I'm pretty sure I ran a 22 minute last 5k, and it felt great.  I finished running fast, not just finishing pace, and with a smile.  And happy.  And I am SO happy about that!

8:38, 21st place. 12th American, a lot of international! Lower than I thought, but I believe I was 34th at mile 8.7.  Only passed 1 woman during the race that I know of (maybe passed some in aid stations not realizing it), so there must have been a lot of drops.  Yeah I wanted to place higher than that, but the time I ran this year, would have been 14th last year on what my friend said was a slightly easier course.  And I don't think of this as my best race time wise, but it was a good strong healing one.  I'm cool with the place and time!  What I'm thrilled about was how strong my body and mind showed me they/we are!  I pushed strong and consistently from 27 on, sometimes feeling pain, but able to push through it, often without pain and just full of gratitude, positivity and motivation. Next time the challenge and test will be to start that push earlier.  I will have to learn to tune the fine balance of conservative start - strong finish, with less conservative start - strong finish or strong start to finish which I think is possible, it would just hurt a lot more.  This race filled me with the confidence to do that, turn the engines on for a longer period of the race than I may have thought I could. It filled me with happiness for my body and opportunities and the gorgeous world around me.  And it put any demons from the long year+ to rest.  I didn't get emotional or grumpy or ornery, I didn't give up mentally or physically and just settle for whatever pace, I am not worried about my time or place.  I'm left satisfied for now without the need to enter another race for redemption.  I'm happy and that's such a great way to end a very long 18 month season!

And guess what??  My foot didn't bother me AT ALL.  That is truly a miracle to me and one I am so thankful to God for.  That could have ruined my day.  But I had a great day.  Let the off season and not having to run in the cold wind and ice if I don't feel like it and ski not worrying about injury begin!

As far as the race itself, definitely worth doing once!  Lots of uphill and downhill, some pretty big and/or long, not an easy course, and not much flat stuff, but some great scenery and excellent race management and volunteers.
Altra Running Paradigm have been my go to for many ultras despite not considering myself a maximal runner.  Sure was nice to pound the downhills with all that lightweight cushion.  Vfuel gels worked great all day and I decided to go with packets this time vs a flask of gel as I have before.  Made sure I got enough and I felt like it reduced the weight I carried since there were times I didn't pick up all the gels I had packed in drop bags.  I really love that Ultraspire Spry vest.  I use it more than any other hydration system I have.  Minimal and simple and light but enough.  I filled the 30oz bladder a couple times but it's quick and easy and the couple pockets up front held just what I needed and no more.  Loved my Elete Electrolyte routine for the 3 days pre race in everything I drink as usual.  I know it helps absorption and priming my body and is a good thing mentally for me too to psyche me up for a race feeling excited and prepared.
Other stuff - Handful bra, Injinji wool socks, Gore shorts and singlet, 1 dose of First Endurance Pre-Race pills.

Wasatch 100 report

This is the report, not conclusion. I'm not at a place yet to say in a sentence or two how the race was. But here is the experience.

Some ground rules: I always treat this blog as my journal and don't write for others but if they want to read it and gain from it then great!  I share lots of details. I'm not sure a post has ever made me so nervous to share. I feel vulnerable. Be nice. I am not a snob or elitist, but I am very driven.

This is about my race with my goals. It's going to sound whiny and maybe prideful in places but my intention is NEVER to belittle anyone else or their experience. I have the utmost respect for those that can somehow endure many more hours than I can. This is just my experience. 

Like is typical, I plan to pack my drop bags several days early but got them packed that morning before leaving for the pre race meeting along with packing for the kids and Jeremy and I for the weekend. Once I got up to the meeting, 10 min late, darn, it was so great to meet with friends and see so many smiling faces. All the stress of getting ready melted away and things were exciting now!  

Enjoyed a great BBQ at the Williams who were also gracious enough to host our family in the basement, but I was tired pretty early. Had a hard time getting to sleep with the commotion upstairs then woke up 30 min before I had to. Felt pretty rested though. Ate, dressed, packed my packs and wrote last minute instructions to Jer. I woke up with this weird pain in my right foot that I had felt the day before too. I felt it every step and it really got to me mentally. How could something come up now??  I got pretty emotional about it to Jer and after an LDS blessing and prayer and kisses to our sleeping babies we were off to the race. 

Yeah, typical me style, we arrived with minutes till start. I kissed my lovely crew chief, grabbed a quick photo by the sign and squirmed my way to the front to try to find out where to check in. Literally 30 seconds to the start. Got a quick hug from friend Canice I happened to stand next to and we were off!

I ran faster than I normally would in an ultra in order to get a good spot in the conga line and avoid a lot of dirt in my face and eyes. Thankfully within 1/4 mile I had settled right into my pack of guys I'd spend the next hours with. James, Patrick, Scott and several more guys were such great company. We would split up a little sometimes but generally met back up.

 I remember saying to Scott while still in the first few miles how much I loved the start of a 100. Everyone happy, chatty, feeling good and looking forward to the day. I also realized I wasn't feeling that foot pain. So thankful. 

Thank you Lori Burlison for your great photos!

The climb up to the base of Chinscraper was long and covered with lots of sharp bushes. The back of my right heel was being a little irritated by the relentless uphill. Was nice to finally get some terrain change. There were times I wondered if I was working too hard, but usually only when I looked back to see the pack of 10-20 at any one time I was leading up the mountain. I heard a woman or two's voice a few times but didn't recognize her. Tried not to let it get to me at all since it was still so early in the race. I was running my race. James was great to remind me of that. 

The actual Chinscraper climb was not nearly as bad as I expected. That's always nice!  Said hi to fellow WMW Lane, awesome friend Mark in a sheep suit, and got my first "you're the 1st lady!".

Lane, Scott, the friendly Chinscraper sheep Mark

Francis peak towers ahead

Heading down to the first aid station, Francis Peak, I paid very specific attention to my pace or at least how it felt.  I'd been instructed by others to not blow my quads on this long downhill dirt road, and I did not.  I didn't brake, but I didn't let it rip like several guys around me did.  Rolling into the first aid station Francis Peak was great.  Happy faces, a drop bag, and nice to know we were almost 1/5 of the way through the race.  I looked at the splits I had written down for 22:21 and 23:30 and realized course record was not likely to happen today.  The next aid station would confirm that, and that was A-OK with me.

All smiles, life was good!

Heading to the Bountiful B with Scott

Don't remember a ton between the next few aid stations, except running with friends James, Scott, and Patrick, going through the most beautiful yellow aspen patch, and that the race had such great aid stations!  Seriously, they were all so helpful and well stocked.  I was in and out in about 2 minutes every time.  

Will you look what these selfless, unpaid aid station volunteers went through to get to many a station I'm sure. 

Sessions had a pirate theme and popsicles which was awesome.  I also traumatized (or made their day), a couple young boys who watched me stuff ice into my bra :)  I was very proactive about keeping cool and it served me well.  I had a cooling towel with me from Francis on, that I meant to take off and soak every aid station but only did at a few.  But I always carried a handheld flask or bottle of ice water that was for keeping me cool.  I put in on my head, chest, and back of my neck, and frequently, not just every aid station.  I never ran out of water to drink either, very smart.  I carried a very small flask of Elete Electrolytes I added to my water when I filled up.  Worth it and so nice to not have to swallow a million pills.  I peed very regularly also. 

There were some good climbs between Sessions and Swallow but I still didn't feel overworked.  Patrick told me at one point a woman was 5 minutes back at Swallow which I didn't really want to hear but it was fine, race was still early and I was just running my race.  James was having problems with his back and worrying about splits, but I was still pretty cool headed mentally.  Apparently I kicked a snake without realizing it too....gross.  He and I separated at Swallow, but it was so exciting to know how close to Big Mtn I was now.  This was a big hurdle for me, getting to the part of the course I knew, I would see people I loved, be taken care of at aid stations with my specific instructions I wouldn't have to repeat or think about, and we'd be 39 miles in!

Just past Inspiration Point with maybe a mile or two to the aid station I was SO excited.  As I got closer to the aid station I waved my bright orange towel around and hooped and hollered.  I was SO excited to be there, be there in 1st, and to see my family.  My parents haven't seen me race much and my dad's health isn't great, so it was special to see them there and give them little jobs to help with.  I ran in with the biggest smile on my face, Jeremy had my new pack and handheld ready to go, my mom wiped me down and reapplied sunscreen and my dad handed me a small bag of buttered popcorn jellybeans and coke - what could be better??

My parents in the background. Husband waiting to lead me to our spot. 

I left that aid station quick and the new pack felt heavy.  I hated to carry so much water (probably 60oz), but this was a notoriously hot and long section so it was better to have too much.  I switched from Vfuel gels to the new Vfuel drink mix which I thought would be a good idea when the heat really kicked in and I just wanted to drink everything in sight vs eat, even just gel. 

James left at the same time I did but I wouldn't see he and his pacer again.  I don't regret not having a pacer here too much, but it might have been nice.  It was the first time I put music in and also the first time I'd take any caffeine or pain meds and I was happy about that, almost halfway in.  Shortly after leaving Big Mtn I hit a low.  I don't remember my mental state or what I was mentally down about, but I know my stomach felt a little off because I remember sucking on a ginger chew (yuck, I don't like those things but my Gu salt pills with ginger weren't cutting it).  Thankfully that heavy pack of mine was full of iced drink mix to sip on. This low probably lasted an hour and  I really think it might have been an endorphin dump.  I was SO excited going into Big Mtn, maybe so excited that my body didn't have anything left to support me with.  Interesting.

I kept looking back during this time expecting to see a woman but never could be sure.  About a mile from Alexander aid station I felt good and ran hard again.  Tried to move quickly through but when I saw the small inflatable swimming pool (which ironically I had mentioned wanting earlier in the day), I had to sit in it.  AMAZING!   A couple women came into the aid station just as I left ( they left 2-3 min after me).  Crap. My goal now was that it would be cool to come into Lambs in the lead at least. So I worked hard, but still in control and came into Lambs (mi 52) back with my 15-20 min lead. 

So spoiled.  Cold wet rag on the head, my sister rubbing my legs, Jer and Seth taking care of my feet.  Niece Reagan patiently watching and dealing with my undoubtably stinky self.

Was great to have my twin sister there, she's never seen me race an ultra and she was great help.  I hear she also confused a fair number of people there wandering around the aid station in normal clothes :)  I got to sit down and Jer and pacer Seth took care of my feet (R bunion and a bit of arch were hurting) changing me from the Altra Lone Peak 2.5 to the Altra Paradigm 2.  I was perfectly happy in the Lone Peak really,  but with 3 road section and smoother trails in this next 25 I figured it might be a nice change. I got to enjoy a few pieces of watermelon, my sister rubbed muscle cream into my quads, and I got to visit with the sweet boy Lota I met earlier this year and whose name I wrote on my bib.  I thought of him during my Big Mtn low and how I'm sure he would buck up out of his tough times and continue on.  My hip flexors cramped up bad a couple times while sitting which made me laugh so we got out of there pretty quick.  The mind was good and I was ready to continue.

Such a pleasant surprise to see Lota and his family waiting by my crew!

The climb up to Millcreek and then down and back up to Upper Big Water (mi 61) went well and I felt steady.  It was nice to be out of the sun.  We chatted and  I remember cheering to Seth "30 something to go!" because even 39 counts as 30 something and sounds better than 39 or 40. 

I was well taken care of again by Altra friends at the aid station and enjoyed a couple bites of grilled cheese and some chicken noodle soup we loaded in a flask and I ate on the go.  We were asked to remark the next few miles of course which thankfully didn't seem as under marked as they said.  Not a lot worse than getting lost in the mountains while in a fragile mental state.  Head lamps had to go on just before Dog Lake (I wanted to make it to Deso).  We saw a mom and baby moose near the trail close to Deso which perked Seth's interest and was fun to watch.  He didn't let me for too long though.   I was getting hungry for real food now so I got some Ramen from Deso (mi 66) and ate it on our way up to the ridge. Shortly after my stomach felt unsettled and I got really sleepy. At like 9:30 at night.  What? Seriously??  I've had sleep issues, but never before midnight.  The pace slowed as I was sleepy and uncomfortable stomach wise and I tried to close my eyes at Scott's sneaking into the covered tent next to the food while he took care of our packs.  I heard him ask where I was and the darn aid station volunteers ratted me out. ;) I could have gotten at least 30 more seconds! Seth didn't let me stay of course. 

He told me a woman had made 3 minutes up on me and I think that freaked me out now also moving slower. I was downing pepto and ginger chew and trying to handle the stomach but was also quiet and getting grumpy.  Seth and his sweet positive self was calling Jer and telling him how awesome I was doing all the while I was either ignoring him or yelling at the phone that "no I am not!"  Sigh.  

I had this plan in my head now to get me to the next aid station, that while I needed to be fast through Brighton, I needed to take care of me too.  So I was going to sit in my reclining camp chair with a blanket over me so to not get cold.  I would drink my rockstar lemonade and close my eyes for 10 minutes while they took care of my pack and feet (changing back into the Lone Peak 2.5 but a 1/2 size bigger now).  Well, unfortunately I didn't tell anyone about that plan.

I don't remember all I was upset about other than feeling crappy and sleepy so early and losing some of my lead and being so late to Brighton, but at some point I started freaking out and by Brighton was in tears telling them I couldn't go back out, I didn't know how I could. I didn't want to go back out but I also wasn't 100% ready to quit. That would look pretty bad having been in the lead the whole day.
Since I failed to mention to anyone my aid station plan, it didn't exactly go like that.  New pacer Roch was rushing me and hollering out orders from the second I got there while I was trying to tell Jer I didn't know how I could go back out.  I didn't know how I would do it on a stomach not allowing food in.  No one was listening to me.

Roch drug me out of my chair, into Brighton to check in and out all the while I'm crying to whoever will listen that I just cannot do it. Most of it was fear of how long I know the rest of the course is. Once you descend from Catherine's pass there is no way out. I couldn't fathom 8+ more hours feeling like I did (upset stomach and sleepy and discouraged and losing the lead I'd had for 74 miles, but mostly the fear of how long the next 8 dark hours would feel).

Long story short (yeah like I know how to do short stories), after Roch and I had to wait out another mom and baby moose on the trail, I drug my feet to the top of Catherine's and stopped there, leaning over the poles I made my crew let me have, and just couldn't force myself to continue. I really truly wanted to quit and yet I couldn't make myself.  I was so close to quiting though.  It was so far to go and would be all in the dark and I could hear Heather behind us.  Roch kept telling me I had to find my happy place and that just seemed impossible with my emotions and stomach.  Such a dark dark place I was in inside. He wasn't very happy with me and I can't blame him.  Yes I wanted to go back down, but the smallest rational (or irrational) side left of me still said I should continue for some reason. I felt bad wasting Roch's time if I quit, my mom and family were sleeping at the finish line waiting for me and I did really like the shirt this year ;) 
Then Heather and pacer passed us (mi 77). 
She was very nice but there they went. I felt awful. I had just given the win away. We went a couple more minutes down the trail and I sat on a rock which upset my dear pacer again, yanking me up. I stayed there though and just tried to work out my head.  Mental implosion. I was such a mental emotional mess. Pain is one thing, but I was suffering so bad then and it seemed like no one was listening to me or respecting what I wanted (which started back at Brighton). Now I know they were just trying to help me stick to my goals, my big time goals.  Roch told me I should be finishing this for my team, for my family, but never mentioned for me and that made me mad and I expressed that I didn't feel like I was being listened to and that this was for me too. I said I didn't have anything to prove, that I'd finished 3 100's, won 2 of them, I didn't have to finish this.  Nice excuses eh?  My patient pacer was being put through the wringer now and showing me no pity.  I got up pissed off and prideful and marched down the hill toward Ant Knowles totally mad. I'm kind of a brat like that in these moments unfortunately.  Something I continue to work on. It was quiet between us all the way into Ant Knowles (which I walked all of mostly out of anger, some still stomach issues). I wasn't going to quit now but my new option was I get to experience the last 20 like most people. I get to slow the pace to a walk/jog, sit at aid stations and eat what I want and I get to take a nap if I want. Roch never agreed or denied that plan, but probably just rolled his eyes at me :)

Very cool Ant Knowles aid station. Yeah that fun dome doesn't reside there permanently. The volunteers brought it in. 

We got to Ant Knowles (mi 79) and found out Heather was 20 minutes in front of us. That seemed close enough we'd try to catch her (I reluctantly agreed, I felt so bad about letting my lead go I figured I had to try to get it back, but was nervous if I'd be able to hold chase pace for 20 miles at the end of a 100). I still couldn't eat anything though but knew I needed to. We got up the steep grunt climb to around mile 80 where it flattens out. I took 3 prerace pills and promptly threw up everything I'd probably eaten all day. I was worried about now continuing on nothing in me, but I did feel better. Then we took off. Passed the 3rd place lady who had just passed us and we ran hard. I was out of my demons and feeling pretty good. While I unfortunately moved slower than I probably could have from Brighton to Ant Knowles, now I was doing all my body would let me. I was fearful at only mile 80 I wouldn't be able to hold this pace for 20 more miles but we went with it. Booked it through Pole Line and Pot Bottom and up to Stanton road. Found out by Stanton they were only 4-5 min up. We'd made up 15 minutes in about 8 miles.  We could see them and tried to turn our lights out so they wouldn't see us but at some point they did. I didn't really still have that pushing pace by mile 92 (stiff, short gait, sore big toe) but was still going as fast as I could (which was probably 12-15 min mile shuffle). I was into this whole hunt thing until we got to the stupid cow pasture section around 92 and then got mad at the course winding-ness and the severe lack of course marking there where there really wasn't clear trail most of the time.  I was so afraid we were lost.  The last aid station told us they were only 1 min up, which was wasn't true looking at splits after. They were around 4 min up still, same as Stanton. So we had held our place but somewhere they had seen our lights and took off running scared (according to her pacer). By the time we got to the hair pulling, never ending deer creek trail along the lake I did the math and realized they were at least 7 min up. And moving fast. I didn't believe I could make up 7 minutes in 4 miles especially at the pace I was moving and they were moving. I still gave it what I could, but the stride was really short and painful after 95 miles. Roch was still trying to get me to catch them but I really just wanted to finish the race at the effort I could and not be any more upset than I already was.  Poor Roch, every woman he'd paced at Wasatch had won. I felt weak around such a famously good pacer.  I felt really bad breaking that streak. He never caused me to feel those though, it was all self inflicted.

So we ended up finishing 11 min back and 2nd place.  25:49.  About 37 minutes ahead of 3rd place.  I've been pretty upset all weekend. Heather is a really sweet lady and it was nice to chat with her a little post race.  Yeah this all burns a lot right now, but I really am happy she had a good experience, especially as a first 100.  And heck, the awesome lady is 45!  If anything that's motivational goodness for me to know I've still got many good years of competition ahead of me.

I ran strong for 70 miles, handled the heat great, had a blast leading as long as I did, loved seeing my family and friends, had a dream team of crew and pacers (whom I have apologized to for being such a jerk) and never felt like the course itself was harder than I was prepared for.  I was trained very well under friend and teammate Nick Clark's coaching.  I'm pretty ok with my time, I'm not sure sub 24 was in the books for me with how the day went, even without my melt down.  And sure 2nd place is awesome, I am not trying to belittle that, but it feels embarrassing to me personally when I led for so long. I don't want it to look like I went out too fast. I don't think I did. The way the race was playing out it felt like it was my year to win it, a slower winning time even, and I didn't. That kills me. I don't think I would feel like this if I had come from below 2nd up to 2nd. Funny how if I had taken a hard fall and was hurt physically this might not hurt as much, but because it was a mental struggle (ok, the stomach was upset too) that lost me time and the lead I feel like I allowed it to happen.  We always have control over our minds and can flip the negative switch to positive in a snap right?  Just like depression and addiction?  No.  And yet that's how it feels to me right now.  The pride of finishing has not overtaken the sting of losing the win.  *Please don't see me as a sore loser toward Heather, obviously she had a great and smart race and I would not take this from her, she earned it*

I know I'm my harshest critic. It is punishing me right now, easing a little, but will drive me to greatness eventually if I let it.  Which I must.  I realize in the end what I did was great, but it didn't fulfill me and is hard to end my season on. Big goals mean big consequences - good or bad.  This is a strange sick sport we're a part of, and even more so if you're trying to race at a high level.

I'll try to post again later this week or next with how I'm doing closure wise.  BIG CONGRATS to all my friends who showed up and started and finished the Wasatch Front 100.  Those who took so much longer to finish - wow.  The strength and determination and tenacity you show is beyond what my mind can grasp.  It's amazing.  Many people did not finish and to you, I hope your hearts and bodies heal quickly.  100 miles of Heaven and Hell indeed.

2015 Katcina Mosa 100k

Holy moly I'm happy with that!  Short version is I kept everything in control and conservative, was smart, and executed well and ran a faster race than I had anticipated. Finished with loads of confidence and a healthy dose of fear for the next and longer pain cave session - Wasatch 100.

So I knew I would do a 100k this weekend, in training for Wasatch. I haven't raced since May so was looking forward to it. It was just a matter of which one to do. Do I go to Tushars 93k and possibly deal with elevation issues (we just spent 3.5 weeks on a family road trip back east where I kept my miles up, but without any vert or elevation) or do I do Katcina and deal with potential heat issues (our trip weather was humid, but never super hot). As if life couldn't get any more exciting we packed our house up in the 2 weeks before our trip and now had to move into our new house the day after we got back and days before the race. Feeling overwhelmed with unpacking our new house we decided o stay local and do Katcina. I think this was the race I was leaning toward the whole time really. More Wasatch like and I wanted to see my progress from 2 years previous. In 2013 I ran a 15:47 and suffered pretty good those last 30 miles. I set a goal this year to run a 14 something.  After looking at my previous splits and subtracting time where I figured I could, I was at 14:40 so those were the splits I had to go off of. 

Katcina has a 3am start. Woah. Was concerned about how and when to eat and settled on eating about half my usual pre-race breakfast a little less than 2 hours before race start vs the 3 I usually do. Scrambled getting everything else ready and out the door for the 40 min drive but not without having to turn around to get gas. Ugh. Rolled into the park 10 minutes before the start, threw my drop bags into place, said hi quickly to a few people, pinned my number on and ran to the bathroom. And heard the race start while I was in there. For the second time at this race I started very last watching people well up the road running ahead of me. Oh well :)

Caught up with friend and lovely lady Carol Manwaring and shared a few miles together while commenting about the chatty brood of fellas just in front of us. And they say women gab a lot ;)

As the field spread out Chris Pope and I now ran together discussing life and all things gory and medical as he is a angio tech and I in nursing school. Rolled into the first aid station 13 minutes ahead of last time and was happy with that. Chris and I were moving well but smart enough to back off and hike if needed. 

The next section to aid station 2 I remember being very rocky and hard to run but didn't think much of it this time. That was nice. Met new friend Eric.  25 minutes ahead of 2013. Perfect. I trotted the next downhill not wanting to toast my quads even a little and was taken care of so kindly at aid station 3.

See my singlet up now?  Wicked belly button chaffing. Weird!  Never happened with that top and happened 2 months ago too in a different top. So random. I think it means I need more (any) real core work so my navel doesn't stick out as far. 

 The hike up to lightning ridge was not shorter than I remember ;) and I felt it in places. I stopped several times on this section and would throughout the day to stretch my hips, glutes, sometimes calves, and to massage the topical pain creme on my lower back that complained during hiking. The views up on Lightning ridge are so great and I took them in briefly. 

Ran into friend Amy briefly, got a hug, and continued on. Didn't improve my hike up time much also don't think I hustled as much as 2013 so I'll take it. I recall the first of several quick hip, glute, and calf stretch sessions of the day here. 

The descent to Big Springs was one area I wanted to improve on from 2013. I recall holding back a lot, braking, and being scared of parts of it. There were still a couple sections I went slower than I'd like, but I did my best to let gravity rule and dance over the sometimes sliding and sometimes stubbornly stuck rocks. Passed a lady much like I was last time, frozen, not sure how to go down the loose stuff. I just encouraged her to try to ski/surf down them. Dropped 5-7 minutes over 3 miles so I'm fairly happy with it. Full expected Brian Beckstead to pass me on the way down but mope. No one did actually which made me happy. Pushed a little more than I'd like, well used my quads more than I'd like rather, but wanted to improve time on this section. Anyway, back down to the Big Springs aid station and greeted again by friendly faces and lots of help. 

I recall not feeling well the hour after this aid station last time and was hoping for better here. I kept the breathing quiet and the steps short and easy and felt descent. New friend Patrick caught up with me and we'd spend the next couple hours doing what you do with people you just met in ultras - discuss all manner of life and families and sport. It's a good mind occupier and time passer and I enjoy hearing people's stories. The hike up to Windy Pass was steep and slow in places but good to see. 

I moved out quickly after getting my new Way2Cool towel wet and wearing it like a shawl for a while. Wasn't ice cold or anything but was pretty nice and I enjoyed covering my shoulders for a while. 

Patrick behind me just after Windy Pass.
Forgive the blurry pictures, leaving the phone in a ziplock bag wasn't the smartest move.

Gosh I live in a beautiful place!!

I let Patrick by as I made a bush stop, turned the music on and focused on moving well but easy as the temps we're hearing up and I was on a long part of the course. The trail was so overgrown and rooty it was hard to see what you were stepping on and was really slow going for several miles. Had a neat moment of seeing a blue bird flying in front of me on this pretty wooded section that made me think of my Grandma Ann who loved to go on mountain drives and watching me race. It was sweet to think of her watching this race now too, only from above. 

I eventually ran back into Patrick who was low on water and more concerned about it than I realized and like a good new friend, I told him to come with me and I took off. And he didn't. I feel really bad about that. I rolled into Little Valley feeling good. Dropped my pack off to be taken care of by volunteers and good friend Carol's good husband Jeff and returned from the 1.5 mile out and back ready to go and got out quick. Saw Brian come in as I was leaving but didn't see any ladies. I wasn't worried about placement very much so far, but liked knowing I was at least 20 minutes up on the next woman. 

Now was to come what I remember as the longest and most boring sections of the course. I recall a lot of walking. It was a goal to not experience these sections that way this time though, which would be tough as I would not see another racer for 20 miles. 

About a mile after Little Valley you come to this 4 way stop and as I recall last year, it wasn't clear where to go. I had a feeling it was right but didn't see any ribbons. I figured it was this way so I'd go this way till I saw a ribbon or it had been 10 minutes. I did see an old orange ribbon on the ground near the bushes not far from the turnoff, so put it in the middle of the dirt road under a rock in hopes it would help others and figured I'd move it if I ended up coming back.  So off I went looking for footprints and eventually asking some ATVers if they'd seen runners this way and thankfully yes. I think this was the section I had a little bit of a mental low. It had been a long day, I remember this being a long part of last year and frankly it was just kind of boring. Thankfully I pulled out of it after a couple miles though and arrived at the Bathtub aid station 15 minutes faster than last time. 

Leaving Bathtub I greeted all the cows I saw and was thankful to be doing the last long stretch between aid stations. This next aid station would be before we descended back to the road and it just feels like an almost done landmark to me. I recall last year thinking I was almost there so many times, so knew what to look for as actually almost there and knew not to question if I was almost there till I really was. I was moving well and feeling warm but kept it under control. Looked to the east to a beautiful view and got a little emotional at It and at God's great creations. I love moments like that. 

About a mile out of the aid station I did some math and realized I was ahead of 14:40 schedule. If I could arrive at the aid station by 12:15 chrono race time, I could break 14 hours. I picked the pace up a little but still not pushing. Seeing the aid station was exciting and rolling in at 12:12 was really exciting and got me amped up and into "it's on" mode. 

Left the aid station at 12:15 and felt a pretty quick endorphin low actually. It was steep and rough downhill initially with logs and ruts to go over and I felt my sore body. But I would spend the next 3.8 miles hustling now, not like I had all day. Now I was pushing. And while yes I still had 9-10 miles to go I was confident I could push that long (thank you Ogden Marathon). This short 3.8 didn't really feel short and I got frustrated a few times wanting and needing to get into the last aid station by 13:00 to give myself an hour to run the last 6 miles. 

Last year there were reports of a mom and baby bear down here so I kept on alert and only got startled once when I smelled something game-y for sure and then heard some good rustling in the bush beside me. Looked back and saw the bush look pretty dark but I doubt it was a bear. Regardless it kept me moving. I found me telling myself I was doing great as it was and I could totally just keep trotting the rest of the race and finish low 14 something which was still my original goal and a great PR. The other side of me also knew if I was close and had a chance, why not give it a little more time and energy and get to cap the day off breaking into a new standard for me. 

Eventually eventually (yes I mean to type it twice) after some emotional moments I got into the last aid station at 13:02, took the time very quickly to change into the Intuition 3.5 not because my feet were hurting me, but just because it sounded good for these last 6 paved road miles, and it was. Gave me the chance to finally tromp into some streams in my Lone Peak 2.5's before arriving at this aid station knowing I had dry shoes waiting. Jeff helped me again and off I went. 

Man, I bet I ran almost 3 miles at around 7-7:30 pace. I felt good and felt fast and enjoyed feeling that fast road form happening. I didn't bring as much water on this last 6 as I would have liked as I changed out of the pack and into my minimal Quantum belt and it was warm, so I did venture down to the river to fill my bottle once. While my feet weren't hurting badly like last time, and I wasn't making excuses to make a bush stop or  endlessly complaining we were never going to get there, those last 3-4 miles were tough. Mostly mentally. I walked very briefly a few times before my will took over and pushed me back into a trot. I wasn't running 7's anymore, but I had to at least just keep running. I was so close to this ultimate goal for the day, and I could do it, I just had to keep moving. Knowing I started late I knew I needed to get in by 13:57 or so on my watch. And it was getting close. Finally saw my husband and kids drive up (coming to watch at the last aid station, oops) and cheer for me which was nice. I asked him how far it was and he said 1/4-1/2 mile. I saw the white fence and could finally feel the finish. They were out waiting to run in with me and I feel bad not really waiting for them, but I ran that last 50 yards in fast from fear. To my delight my watch said 13:49 and their clock said 13:51. Wow!

My endorphins fell pretty quick and some real soreness set in quickly upon finishing, but it didn't overwhelm how proud I was of this race. Of course I'm happy I won!  Super happy to have run a 13, 2 hour PR and 3rd fastest women's time on that course ever (none of the men broke the top 10 all time times, pretty proud of mine). But what I was most pleased and proud of was earning those things on such controlled and sometimes easy effort. Such a confidence boost for me to my fitness level. I executed well. I kept the breathing quiet and the running and hiking easy until the last 10 when I chose to push. I stayed right on top of my nutrition and hydration and the heat. I was quick in aid stations but got what I needed. I did experience lows, but not badly, and I pulled out of them. Just super happy with how this went. 

USATF Utah 2015 100k champion

And yet I leave humbled for Wasatch. Confident yes, looking forward to putting in a few more weeks of strong training yes, but also a bit fearful of going to the pain cave, but for longer. I can do it though with good prep, a good taper, smart racing and a good crew and pacer. 

Gear:

Altra Lone Peak 2.5 shoes. Loved them, no complaints at all.  Never had to retie them and thanks to the Altra gaiters I wore I never got any rocks in them either.  Feet were protected from this rocky course but not being a maximal shoe I felt more connected to the ground and never had any good "ankle stretches".  This version reminds me a lot of the original Lone Peaks if you've been with Altra that long.

Wool Injinji socks.  Love the toe protection. 

Vfuel gel the whole way.  Sometimes in packets and sometimes pre squeezed into a 5-6 serving flask.  Love the steady energy and digestion.  Consumed a little bit of food on course but Vfuel was by far my calorie staple.  1 serving/pack every 30 min.

Had Elete Electrolyte add in in my water in my initial 30oz and then from Big Springs to Little Valley.  Love not having to take pills or think about getting my electrolytes in and I really do like the slight mineral taste.  

Started with my Ultraspire Spry pack. Love that little thing and if it hadn't been for needing to carry more water as the sections got longer and the day heated up I would have kept it on the whole time.

I switched at Big Springs to my Nathan VaporAiress I've been testing.  I filled the bladder full of ice cubes and maybe 10oz of water and a dose of Elete before I left for the house and put it in my drop bag.  Was pleased to have no leaks and a bladder full of ice I had to add water too 5 hours into the race.  I wish I'd carried my small Elete flask with me the whole time to redose my water as I had to fill up.  The Gu Electrolyte pills I've been using which I like, got stuck in my throat a lot.

Finished the day with my Ultraspire Quantum waist belt which I've always been a fan of if you only need 10 oz of water at a time.  The original holds 10oz, the update only has 1 flask holder although you could fit one in the front.

Took 2 Hammer Tissue Rejuvinator pills every 3 hours which I think help some keep inflammation down, naturally.

As my something new for this race I brought a Way2Cool (not to be confused with the race) cooling towel with me and started soaking it with water around 5 hours in.  I wore it around my shoulders tucked into my bra straps, sometimes on my head, sometimes filled with ice and tied around my neck.  It's definitely bigger than a bandana and I worried it would be too bulky but it worked pretty well and I'll have it or something like it at Wasatch.

Buffalo Run 100 - Raced to my Potential

So I'd been pondering doing the Buffalo Run 100 on Antelope Island here in Utah for about a month. I signed up for the 25k, and would wait till the week of to feel my body out. You'll recall I took a bit of an off season after Black Canyon in February, and I really did. No running for 2 weeks, then 20 mile, 25 mile, 30 mile weeks. Nothing says smart like doing a 100 at the beginning of the end of the off season eh?

But I wanted a learning experience so I can be better prepared for Wasatch. The only way I know how to practice and perfect those last 30 miles I just don't feel like I've done well with, is by running 70 miles first. This is an easier course than I've done, I know the course, it is a great atmosphere with lots of friends, the weather looked good and I put together a great team of crew and for the first time, pacers. 

I would love to do Bryce in June again and better my course record there, but it's too much interruption of Wasatch training. I have 2 very long runs (Bandera and Black Canyon) under my belt and recently read a blog post from Pam Smith, legendary ultra runner, who had her best 100 mile race up to that point, after about a month off. Like I just took. So I felt good about things. 

That is until I woke up the day before with a left foot that felt like it was bruised and didn't feel good to step on. Great. Then my 3 year didn't feel good night before the race, pretty much kicked me out of my own bed (because I'm a softy with her) and I woke up with a really sore neck.

Got a ride onto the island with sweet friend Janice and her family and per my usual, spent till the very last second prepping my gear. I ran to the start, they said go, well actually I believe "run you fools!" were the parting words. 

Run you fools!  Janice in the cute pink shorts next to me and Marlin to our right.  Melissa behind him

Short version: Ran a great first half in about 9:15, dealt with the heat just fine, feet started to get sore, real sore.  Dealt with 3 buffalo herds.  Picked up first pacer, had a great time, slower 20 mile loop than the first though.  Picked up second pacer, was scared of the coming sleepy hours.  Got pushed and pulled and fought through extremely hurting feet, and you'll have to scroll to the bottom for the result.

Long version, as usual.  I was honestly a little nervous in the hour before the race about whether this really was a good idea or not and if I was up for the nights that can be rough on me. 

Miles 0-20 Upon starting though I was relieved to not feel that foot and settled into a good, relaxed pace. Probably 10 min mile pace, no GPS so never kept track.  Heard a gal behind me for a while so turned around to say hi.  Her name is Melissa Soper and she is a great runner.  She was looking for her first 100 finish after a scary go at it last fall.  

Around mile 7 we headed out to Elephant Head and the trail can be steep and rocky and what did I behold?  A very old man hunched over, trekking poles in hand, making his way up the same trail I was hiking up.  I'm a sucker for old people, I stopped, patted him on the back and told him how awesome it was he was out here.  He had an early start and I'm pretty sure he said something about not being very fast.  Bless his heart! 

Melissa and I carried on around the point to get our sticker and see the best view on the island.  I fully expected us to spend much of the race side by side so felt bad when I saw her drop off at only 12ish miles in (she had some rough stomach issues that day but went on to get that finish she wanted so bad!!).  It did allow me to focus on me and how I was feeling though and not worry about where I was in the mix.  I focused on keeping my breathing silent and legs not burning.  I was really pleased with the pace I was keeping while perfectly comfortably being able to also accomplish those other two parameters.  I mean it wasn't hips open long strong strides or anything, but it felt good and efficient and I wasn't pushing at all.  

All these amazing photos above courtesy of Lori Burlison

Completed that first 20 mile loop in 3:20ish I think?  Stopped only long enough at start/finish aid to grab a small pain cream container as my hamstring/glute attachments had been tight for a bit.   Helped some I think, although to anyone behind me, sorry you had to watch me basically rubbing my butt.

Miles 20-50 As I headed out onto the now much flatter 30 mile out and back section of the course I felt good.  Did encounter an hour maybe of horrible gnat swarms to run through, but thankfully that was the only time they were there.  There are lots of buffalo roaming the island and they're generally not a problem, but I do prefer to keep creatures that weigh 10x my weight a comfortable distance away. The guy next to me however, preferred to attempt to coax them closer to us.  Ugh.  He was trying to be funny, but I didn't love it so much.
As I furthered on I started passing a fair number of men that reported suffering from the heat.  I knew it was warm out, but it really wasn't bothering me at all.  I have to suspect maybe I gained some heat tolerance from last month's Black Canyon.  Yes that was a long time ago, but you never know.  I had a half buff (cut a regular length in half) with me that I'd soak in cold water at aid stations, put it around my neck and then when I didn't notice any effect there anymore, I'd put it on my head spread out like a buff.  Worked really well!
Ran into a heard of buffalo planted squarely on the trail so ran off trail to the road where there was a heard on that side too.  At least the several cars there watching them could peel me off the ground if the bison got excited.  Ran the road for probably 1/2 mile before getting back on the trail.  Not too long after had to go way around a big heard of grumpy bison near the out and back turnaround, the ranch.  Was nice to have someone with me that time, kind of a team effort, and we did the same on the way back.  Marlin I believe was this friend's name.  From up high away from the trail we watched another runner who decided to use the trail have several small herds run at him and I prayed out loud he'd be ok.  Thankfully he was.  The off trail we had to do definitely added time and distance, but something I was entirely ok to do.  They are big beautiful beasts, from a distance.

Around mile 36 now I was concerned after the turnaround that I hadn't seen Melissa.  I didn't think I missed her but you never know.  I saw who I figured was the third place woman an estimated 40 min behind me.  And then maybe 20 minutes later Melissa.  What??  I asked her what was going on and she said something about having a hard time but she was running and smiling so I hoped she'd be ok.  Also saw friend Janice who giddily told me they pulled her from the race.  Wait what?  They had pulled her due to breathing difficulty but were now letting her continue.  And she was so excited about it.  I love this sport - that you could have a perfectly good reason to call it a day, but not, and be excited to continue for hours and hours on end.
Now onto the third herd to go around I ran into a new friend, Jim from Ohio.  We'd run the next 15 or so miles together.  Love meeting someone new on the trail, lots to talk about and keep each other entertained with.  I was pleased to be a good 40 minutes ahead of the average I needed to hit for my goal of 20 hours.
The sun was finally going down, farther into the race than I expected which is always nice, although it meant I carried my headlamp in hand for a while.  When it was finally headlamp time, Jim was in front and I told him he could turn his on whenever he wanted.  He replied that his was already on :)  Oops.  Thankfully I had the car headlight Petzel Nao with me and lit the way for both of us through the field and around the NW point of the island under beautiful stars and great temperatures.  My feet were really sore at this point, not blistered or toe nail issues at all, just sore and my right arch really painful.

L to R: Canice, my sweet Ella, Jeremy, Jim in the corner 

Mile 50  New friend Jim and I pulled into the halfway start/finish aid tent and while I didn't want a long stop, I did sit down when I saw my sweet baby sitting in the corner waiting for me.  "I missed you on your run mama!"  Melt my heart.  My great team got me in and out quick, Canice timing, Ella comforting, Jeremy taking my orders, neighbor, friend and pacer Jim ready to head out with me.  And off we went for miles 50-70.  I was pleased with a 45 minute cushion on my goal pace, really glad I listened to Canice the day before and didn't try to run even splits.  9:15 for 50 miles was a comfortable effort and gave me positivity.
Miles 50-70, 9:15pm  We left the tent perfectly willingly and had a great time!  Fun conversation and easy going, pretty quickly passing miles.  I did struggle with temperature regulation a little, jacket on, jacket off.  Arm warmers would have been perfect but I forgot them at an earlier drop bag.  Didn't get to be real jacket cold till 2am or so.  I didn't give Jim too many jobs to do, but just having someone to share the trail with was nice.  This was his first real night run and definitely his longest and most technical trail, I was impressed he never fell :)  I was getting a little weary of the gel I'd had all day and knew friend Jennilyn had made some famous cinnamon rolls so on our last stop through the Wasatch Mountain Wrangler (local trail group) aid stop, I sat down for a couple minutes to nibble on one.  Cinnamon roll, ramen broth, a chair and friends, oh yeah :)
We were definitely making slower time than the first time around and I picked the pace up a little the last 5 miles as a result.

Mile 70, 1:30am We came into mile 70 with only 20 or so minute cushion on our average pace goal.  Made me nervous, but I still felt like I could run those 12's and as long as I didn't slow from that we could do it.  Aid stops however would cut into that cushion and leave no room for error.  Feet were still hurting so much so I walked right into the tent and sat on a cot and made Jeremy rub them with that pain cream.  He was not so thrilled with the task.  Big baby ;)  They were really trying to rush me out, but this was my planned longer stop and while I didn't want to eat into my cushion any more, I did want a second.  Had my feet rubbed which felt so amazing, ate a cup of Ramen, and closed my eyes for 60 seconds.  It felt really good and I was nervous now about the sleepy hours to come.  I voiced it in the tent and I voiced it when Canice and I left.  I was afraid of the coming hours.

Miles 70-100  After a 10 minute stop Jeremy and Canice pushed me out of the tent.  This time I was far less willing to leave vs 4 hours ago.  But I was ok.  Canice got me quickly shuffling into a run and off we went.  He took good care of me at aid stations doing everything for me (which was really just filling my flasks and sometimes getting into drop bags, simple is best), and often I'd continue right through them and he'd catch up.  From the second we started running together he was telling me how we were going to work to break 20:00.  I told him I truly didn't care about that goal or passing any men, another goal he had for me.  I only wanted to run until 20:17.  There was very little communication between us.  He would talk, but it wasn't small talk at all like Jim and I had, it was all about fueling and telling me to go faster and some 'good pace' every so often.  I rarely answered back.  My feet hurt really badly, and I wasn't crazy bored or anything like I've been before at night, I wasn't actually sleepy either, I was just focused.  All I could do was think about not thinking and moving forward with as much running as I could do.  Truth be told it felt a little less painful to run than to walk fast.  So I'd push myself into a shuffle, then a run and carry on.
One job I told him I really needed him to do was to run in front of me and be my eyes for buffalo.  I did not want to have to scan around us and keep an eye out for them.  He said he would, but I'm not sure he did except for once when he pointed to our right and 10 feet from us was a big black buffalo with glowing green eyes.  That was at like mile 75 too.  After that, I honestly didn't even think about them.  Again, my brain needed to only focus on forward movement.
My nutrition plan didn't necessarily go out the window, but I wasn't sticking to the normal 1 gel every 30 minutes, pills on certain interval schedule.  I didn't want to interrupt my mind and didn't really feel like i needed as much at night.  Canice was good to hold my flask of gel out as I'd run by, make me take several sips, and then I'd hand it back.  Then I'd hope I could block him from running in front of me so I could set the pace, not one like he was, running away from me. That never lasted, he always sprinted in front of me.  But it was what I needed, to be pulled along like that.  And sometimes, I'd catch right up to him and he'd tell me we didn't need to push that hard if I didn't want to.  The thing was, I wasn't pushing per say, I was just going with what my body would give me that mile.  Trying very hard to not put us in jeopardy of not getting that course record.
I'm going a little out of order here, but at mile 77 aid station, Lower Frary, I decided I'd try a new pair of shoes in my drop bag.  Couldn't make it any worse, and it meant I could sit down, mwahaha!  I really did try to be fast while doing it though.  They felt ok, but were less cushion than the Altra Paradigm I'd been in all day and just didn't quite feel right so when we returned to Lower Frary after the turnaround (which section seemed to take forever), I changed back into the Paradigms.  At that point I don't think there was any fixing how sore my feet were, I'd just have to deal with it as I had for hours already.

At mile 88 we were 15-20 minutes ahead of schedule.  We were loosing that cushion.  We'd gotten as close to only 10 minutes ahead, and that made me nervous.  But now with less than 13 to go, I was feeling good about my goal.  We should for sure be able to make it under 20:17.  I kept looking behind us, waiting for the mountains across the Great Salt Lake to illuminate.  Not because I was tired, because thankfully, I really wasn't too sleepy, but just because it meant we were closer, the headlamp could come off, just another milestone toward the end.  When I saw the second to last aid station at mile 94 off in the distance, and looked at my watch and did the math, I got excited.  Canice really was right, we really could go under 20:00.  Under 20:00?!  That honestly was never in my mind before or during the race up to this point.  Jeremy and Canice had the goal for me and Canice reminded me of it often (and I'd complain at him that it was his goal not mine) but I never entertained it.  All I cared about was finishing between 20:00 and 20:16.59.  Now that 19:something seemed possible, we had to try!  We is really funny here too, since I was the only one that didn't think I could do it.   It takes a lot of time and work in the 18 hours before to be in this position of a sub 20 finish, and by golly I didn't want to have to try for it again :) 
I put my head down and as much as I wanted to cheer people who were passing us, just starting that long out and back, I let Canice.  I just kept my head down and ran.  Ok, there was that one time fellow runner Phil said "25k sounds nice now eh?" to which I called back too late for him to hear "Not as nice as a 100 mile course record will!".  Then I put my head back down.  I had my ipod in now and while I thought it a little impolite while I was running with a pacer, Canice suggested it, and it was a good thing.  We got to that mile 94 aid station and I never stopped, I power hiked right up that hill letting Canice stop for the both of us, reporting my name.  It was twilight now I think and I felt like the finish was close.  Then we got to all of mile 95.5 and I was pooped.  So drained.  Walking wobbly, feet so so sore.  Just a little bonked.  I had Canice tell our last aid station, mile 96 to radio the finish to let my husband know we were headed in soon.  I was nervous he wouldn't be awake yet and I really wanted my kids there to watch mama finish.
Mile 96, 6:50somethingAM  Again, I didn't stop at this aid station and the finish felt fairly close.  For only being 4 miles to the finish, going around this point of the island sure can feel long.  And while not hilly, it's easily the rockiest most technical part of the course.  Hard to keep a running rhythm going on tired legs.  But I sure tried as Canice would pull farther and farther ahead.  I knew even with a walk though, I could power 15 min miles, and that would sneak us just under 20:00.
And then we finally rounded the corner to be able to see the finish about 2 miles in front of us, and it felt SO VERY FAR AWAY!  I was panicking now, it was like 7:30am, we had to finish by 8am to go sub 20.  I asked over and over if Canice was sure we could even make it under 20 at all.  It was so close, I couldn't not, but oh how I feared we wouldn't make it.  I ran my best but wasn't going very fast.  We were about 3/4 of a mile away and what did we see?  Buffalo on our trail. Ugh.  Canice tried to get me to follow him and run fast, but I yelled at him to come back, and to go around them with me.  So in my freaking out, emotional, physically hurting state, I held his arm and we skirted around our last herd.  Finally to the road, a short but steep hill ahead, and I ran it, and it felt good to run it.  It looked so long, but was probably only 1/2 mile now of running straight toward the finish line with a quick 1/10 of a mile left turn to actually finish.
We ran it SO fast!  I was running my best, with all I could, to put down the best time I could and feel 100% good about the effort I put forth in this race.  Hips were open, strides were long and strong, and I don't really remember my feet hurting that last 1/2 mile.  Canice said his GPS showed us under 5:00 mile pace.  Woah.  Neither of us said a word.  We just powered forward looking forward to the glorious finish line reception we'd get from my family and the hundreds of 50k runners getting ready to start their race at the same place.  I'd envisioned my finish for hours, fist pumps up, maybe hands down and eyes to the sky smiling, but something awesome and victorious.  Canice wanted me to feel the energy from all those people.  We rounded the corner, I searched for where the finish line actually was, and I ran over the timing strip in the dirt to pretty much silence.  I remember a couple cheers in those last couple seconds and race director Jim (lots of Jim's in this race) staring at me as I finished, but that was it.  No flags set up yet, no finish chute, no one ready to cheer us in.  No glorious finish line pose or photo.

My glorious finish line photo.  Such is ultra running I guess.  I won't lie though, kind of a let down.

But I freaking did it!!!  I ran more of a 100 than I ever have.  I ran a 100 like I knew they could be run.  I defeated those sleep demons.  I broke the course record by 32 minutes and ran an incredible 19:45.  19:45!!  Now this isn't the same kind of vert course like Bryce or Run Rabbit Run, but it certainly isn't flat.  Comparable to the other courses, at least a 2 hour PR for me.  Most importantly, I finally felt like I ran a 100 to my potential.  It could even be my best ultra performance to date.  I cannot look back and say I could have run it faster.  Sure there might have been places to cut off a few minutes, but truly, honestly, I ran the very best I could have out there and I am 100% happy with it!!

Trying to make a 19 in my depleted but blissful state.  L to R: Canice, Jeremy, Jim

None of it would have been possible without this amazing team of mine!  WE did it!  My Jeremy listens to me talk endlessly about my thoughts and goals and blabbering about ultra running All. The. Time.  He isn't always perfect, but is very often a super supportive spouse and father to allow me the time I need to train when I can fit it in.  And he is the thick skin I need him to be during a race.  I'm not always nice while racing. I can be short and whiney and impatient to him, but I hope he understands, and knows that he is my best crew chief and I look forward to seeing him every chance I get.  Jim was such great entertainment.  Both Jim's actually, but pacer Jim most specifically.  Those 4 dark hours we ran together were entertaining and fun and I needed that.  I knew the hardest work would come at 70 and I was grateful that he made the 20 miles before that be chill and calm.  And Canice.  He made me run like a work horse, was true to his military background and kept me in line.  He wasn't mean, but he wasn't soft.  He was there to get a job done.  And he always believed in me.  I knew going into this race that he was exactly who I wanted to get me through the hardest part of the night and he was perfect.  I apologized after the race for being mean and ornery a few times but he reassured me he wasn't listening anyway :)

Things to work on: I felt some abdominal strain during the race.  I have been a huge core work slacker and with an abdominal separation from my ginormous 9.5-10lb babies, and yeah, my youngest is 3 (hanging my head in shame), my core is weaker than average.  I have several custom plans I can use, but I'm lazy and never stick to them.  I will get a grip on it and get my core in shape this summer so it's at it's best for Wasatch.
Got to figure these feet out.  I don't remember this pain at Bryce 100, but I do remember it the last 30 of RRR (had me in tears the last 6).  Again, it's not a blister or toe nail issue at all, I have zero blisters post race.  The bottom of my feet were just tender and sore, my right arch was very very painful, from far too early in this race.  I love the shoes I was in, the Paradigm, but I may need to experiment with a different model in some long training runs or races this summer, or maybe a different insole.

Gear I used: Altra Paradigm - Really love it's light weight, max cushion for the legs, perfectly suitable traction for me. I go half a size up from my regular Altra size in this shoe, especially for ultras.
Injinji socks - 1 pair the whole race, the thicker wool-ish ones.  Zero blisters.  Didn't use to like things between my toes, but really like racing in them.
Party shorts, no name brand, probably from Ross, Gore tank, Handful bra - my second ultra in it and I am very happy with it.  No rubbing or adjusting all day, no cleavage sweat that I've felt with other bras,  Believe it or not I do posses a tiny amount of cleavage, or at least space where that would be. Note that this bra for running is most suitable for A or B cup ladies, a great non-running bra for C and up ladies.  Pearl jacket, Gore jacket.
Petzel Nao and Tika headlamps.  Love em both.  The Nao, seriously is like a car headlight, and that's on low.  Neither of them died on me, just changed half way just in case.  Each went 4-5 hours.
Ultraspire Spry pack - shied away from it for Black Canyon which was smart because it wouldn't have held enough water, and I did run out once at this race, but it was the heat of the day and I skipped the aid station I was going to fill up at.  I love this little pack.  Holds everything I could need with drop bags around a course and doesn't bounce.  Would be a great first pack for someone getting into longer running.
Ultraspire Quantum belt - my favorite belt ever.  Wore it the last 30 miles, held 10oz of water at a time which I never drained - it was night time.  If you have a course with aid stations around an hour apart of less it is a perfect choice. I can hold a ton in the front pocket too (like 6-7 gels) and no bouncing!
Vfuel gel - served me perfect again.  No stomach troubles, the new cut on the tabs always came off perfectly, better than before, and although I did say I grew weary of gel eventually, it wasn't the gels fault, more my mind.  I took Vfuel with me for all 100 miles.  It was definitely my main source of nutrition.  Love the thinner consistency and energy level it gives.  I cycled between flasks of it I had prepared and packets depending on how drop bags worked.
Elete Electrolytes Add In - I recall having the my first hydration bladder dosed with the drops and how good it tasted to me.  Definitely got me off to a great start!
Pill wise I used 8 Hammer Tissue Rejuvenator pills which are a natural anti-inflammatory.  I don't notice a huge effect, but enough that I keep bringing them along.  I use 4 immediately post race and then over the weekend recovering too.  I used 2 doses of First Endurance Pre-Race, a stimulant and mental focus pill and don't remember the pick up I've felt in other races, but again, I do think they help.